chinese new year

as each year comes and go, as everybody else celebrates chinese new year.. i find that chinese new year is reasonably one of the saddest and most unhappy festivals i have to spend.

i hate to wallow in self-pity. but unfortunately my dearest girl is away at malaysia for cny and is too busy to spend a few seconds to sms, so theres really nobody i can talk to despite how miserable i might feel right now.

i couldnt go to my dad’s place for reunion dinner because my mum will be unhappy.

and just, we went to my maternal grandma’s place for just 5 mins cause my mum couldnt wait to leave. she has a problem with almost everybody. its so unfair to me. i haven seen most of my cousins in years. they’ve all grown so much. im the eldest in the whole extended family and i love these cousins cause i watched them grow up.

and yet its cny, i haven even seen them for 5 mins and my mum is hurrying us to go back home.

every cny, everyone else goes to have their reunion and goes house visiting at their relatives.

my cny’s the best. no reunion, joining my uncle’s family for reunion, watch their family reunion and feel like extras.

house visiting, instead of our own relatives, we visit families that are not related to us in anyway because my mum wants to.

i feel really miserable. what kind of cny is this?

it just gets worse each year.

i cant see my dad. i cant see my relatives. i cant see my girlfriend or her family. and joining others for reunion dinner makes you feel worse

“he jia tuan yuan” for everybody except for me.

sighs.

and my gf doesnt have time to lend a listening ear. not even through sms.. i know shes busy with her own family and her own reunion dinner. but surely spending 20 seconds every now and then on texting me to make me feel better doesnt kill right?

i feel so alone in this world..